Prompt #193 – “Ing” and the Passive Voice

One of the things I tell poets in my workshop groups is that it’s a good idea to avoid using “ing” words. This, of course, isn’t a blanket “rule” to be applied in every case, and it can all get a bit grammatical and technical, but it’s good to be aware of things that can weaken an otherwise good poem.

The past tense refers to things that happened in the past. To make the past tense of regular verbs, “ed” is added to the infinitive, as in “I asked her a question.” The present participle refers to things that are still happening. To create the present participle, “ing” is added to the infinitive, as in “I am asking her a question.” A third option, and one that often works well in a poem, would be to simply bring everything into the immediate moment with “I ask her a question.”

So, the “ing” verb form may be used as a present participle. It may also be used as a gerund, or sometimes as an independent noun or adjective. That is, “ing” is used to form both gerunds and present participles of verbs. When “ing” forms are used as verbs, adjectives or adverbs, they are usually called present participles. When they are used like nouns, they are usually called gerunds.

Too technical? Yes, one might make a meal of the grammar, but it’s the practical application that counts, so here are examples of how you might want to edit “ing” words into forms that will be effective in writing poetry:

“Ing” Form: I was walking through the forest

“Ing-less” Form: I walk through the forest.

“Ing” Form: I am teaching the class.

“Ing-less” Form: I teach the class.

And, here are examples of changing from the passive voice to the active voice:

Active: The professor teaches the students.

Passive: The students are being taught by their professor.        

Active: The John paid the bill.

Passive: The bill has been paid by John.                

Active: I have placed an order for a new computer.

Passive: An order for a new computer has been placed by me.

Active: He has completed done his work.

Passive: His work has been completed by him.

Active: She has written a story.

Passive: A story has been written by her.

Active: My neighbors have built a Tudor-style house.

Passive: A Tudor-style house has been built by my neighbors.

So, in a nutshell (pardon the cliché), avoid overusing participles and gerunds; use them sparingly and only when they add a certain dynamism or a sense of “ongoingness” to a poem. And … work toward using the active rather than the passive voice in your poems.

Guidelines:

1. Take a look at the following poem. It’s one I wrote many years ago and which appeared in my book Chosen Ghosts. Like many poems from the past, I look at it now and think of various ways in which I can make it a better poem than it is.

East Canada Creek

A creek-side trail in early spring,

the rocks and the water,

a narrow footbridge crossing from here to there…

I’m listening to the creek

as it tumbles and slides over moss-softened stones,

as it gurgles and lisps past one turning and another

and another. Such music!

I feel it like a dancer, with my whole body,

with every muscle on edge, especially my heart.

I’m humming Respighi and Schubert’s C Major.

I’m rubbing my hands in the bank’s wet clay,

coloring my forehead and chin, like a Celt, with its red.

I’m splashing in current up to my knees,

hooting and howling and chasing water striders.

I’m stretching my arms and my legs

and leaping with a deer into the thicket.

I’m walking through aisles lined with lupine,

with bloodroot and trillium.

I’m kneeling to pray where ferns uncurl into mist.

I’m sitting under the pines with my legs drawn up,

my elbows on my knees, my chin in my hands,

saved by the sorrows I love and this wildness,

so brilliant, so flawlessly clear.

2. Now, edit the poem by changing all the “ing” words to the simple present tense. Create an active voice (and get rid of some words and details if you think there are too many).

Here’s a quick revision (but don’t look at it until you’ve finished your own):

East Canada Creek                                               

A creek-side trail in early spring,

                 the rocks and the water,

                        a narrow footbridge crossing

                                    from here to there…

I listen to the creek as it tumbles and slides

over moss-softened stones, as it gurgles and

lisps past one turning and another. Such music!

I feel it like a dancer, with my whole body,

with every muscle on edge, especially my heart.

I hum Respighi and Schubert’s C Major, rub my

hands in the bank’s wet clay, and color my

forehead and chin, like a Celt, with its red. I

splash in current up to my knees, and chase

water striders. I stretch my arms and my legs

and leap with a deer into the thicket where I

walk through aisles lined with lupine, with

bloodroot and trillium. I kneel to pray where

ferns uncurl into mist and sit under pines with

my legs drawn up, elbows on my knees, chin

in my hands, saved by the sorrows I love and

this wildness—so brilliant, so flawlessly clear.

3. Extend the exercise and write a poem in which you use the passive voice and include several verbs with “ing” endings.

 

4. Then, edit the poem to remove most (if not all) of the “ing” endings, and switch to the active voice.

5. An alternative might be to take a look your own previously written poems and edit out unnecessary “ing” endings (and change to the active voice in cases where you used the passive voice). 

Tips:

1. Words that end in “ing,” such as gerunds, can interfere with the flow of a poem and encumber a poem's music. Musically (or metrically) speaking, the addition of the extra syllable (“ing”) might take the place of another word that might add to the poems meaning or affect. Importantly, the extra (“ing” syllable applied to a word used to evoke emotion becomes a kind of stumbling block that causes the verb to lose some of its punch.

2. The crux of the issue is that “ing” endings can lead to passivization in a poem when an active voice and immediacy can buttress the poem’s power. Often a simple present tense works best and can add the power of immediacy to a poem.

Example:

See Above